Forgive Me
by LandminesLandslides
Summary: Faith comes back to see Buffy to ask her for forgiveness. Buffy decides to give her a test to help decide whether she will forgive her. Hopefully will be better than this summary makes it sound. Please read and review.
1. Chapter One

Forgive Me

By LandminesLandslides

Chapter One: Reunion

(Faith's POV)

I've staked vampires, killed demons, and committed an incalculable number of horrendous deeds, all without a trace of fear, doubt, or anything else. So why does the thought of what I'm about to do fill me with dread? Because I know it's practically a suicide mission? Because the only thing to look forward to in that house is getting stabbed in the heart…literally? No, I don't think that's it. I expect that, so it's not really frightening. I think it's because I desperately want to be forgiven, but I know` there's very little chance of it. Three years is hardly enough time to forgive what I did. What am I saying? No amount of time would be enough time. I attacked her boyfriend, I came after her mother, and I even stole her body. Even worse than all that, she was my friend and I turned my back on her. How can I expect that she'll forgive me? _Last chance to turn back Faith, _I tell myself. But I know there really is no chance. I committed myself to this, so I have to do it. I walk calmly up the steps and knock on the door, bracing myself for the worst. I hear her voice before I see her.

"Look, I don't want to buy any…" she says before trailing off as she sees me. Her voice turns cold. "What are you doing here?" I look her in the eyes, refusing to turn away. I'd expected this reaction, but I won't back down.

"I came to apologize," I tell her. I've decided I'll stick to the truth today, no matter how bad the results are.

"Well, there's certainly enough for you to apologize for," she answers scathingly, "Where were you going to start?"

"Everywhere I guess," I answer, "I'm sorry for attacking Angel, for going after your mom, for everything."

"Sorry doesn't make the past go away Faith," she answers, "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't grab a knife and stab you through your heart right now."

"I thought you'd want to do that," I tell her, "That's why I brought you this." I produce a knife that I brought with me and offer it to her, with the point facing me.

"What is this?" she asks, sounding surprised now.

"Take it," I tell her, "Go ahead and stab me as many times as you want, but I won't feel a thing. No amount of pain could ever feel worse than the guilt eating away at me right now."

"That's kind of clichéd," she comments, "How badly do you want me to forgive you? What would you do?"

"Anything," I say honestly, "That's a promise."

"I'm going to hold you to that, you know," she says, "What I'm going to make you do will be harder than anything anyone has ever asked you to do and uglier than any vampire or demon you've ever faced. If you want to turn back, now is your last chance." Turn back? No. I can't do that. It's like the old Foreigner song goes: _"Can't stop now, I've travelled so far to change this lonely life."_ I shake my head vigorously.

"No," I tell her, "I'm not running away. I've done enough of that for one lifetime."

"Fine," she says, "Come inside. I have something to give you." She has something to give me? Why does the thought of that make my hair stand on end?

"I wasn't really expecting presents," I tell her

"It isn't a present," she says, "It's a test."

"Never liked those," I tell her, "So what kind of test is it?"

"You'll see," she answers reaching into her pocket and producing a ring, "Wear this."

"That's it B?" I ask her, "I thought you said this would be hard for me."

"Don't underestimate it," she tells me, "Willow enchanted that. It's special."

"So I just put it on?" I ask her, "Then what?" This seems more and more like a strange request than a test or something.

"Then you stay here tonight," she answers, "And every night until you pass the test."

"Speaking of that, how do know if I've passed the test?" I ask her.

"It's simple," she tells me, "The ring is enchanted and can't be taken off until you defeat the enchantment. You'll know you passed the test when the ring comes off again."

"I see," I answer her. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I'm sensing that this isn't going to be as simple as she says. Nothing in the life of a Slayer, or ex-Slayer in my case, is ever simple. "So I really can't turn back once I do this, can I?"

"That's right," she says.

"Fine," I tell her, taking the ring from her palm and slipping it on my right ring finger, "Okay, so is something supposed to happen now?"

"You'll see," she says, "In the meantime, there's a guest room upstairs at the end of the hall."

"Thanks," I say sincerely.

"Don't thank me yet," she answers, "I have reasons for letting you stay other than the kindness of my heart."

"It's an effective way of keeping an eye on me right?" I ask her.

"You know me too well," she says, cracking a smile for the first time since I got here.

"Don't worry," I tell her, "I won't be getting up to any evil deeds. That's not me anymore."

"I'd like to believe you," she says, "But you'll still have to pass my test."

"I know," I tell her. I feel like I should thank her or something. I honestly didn't even expect to get an opportunity. Part of me was hoping she would just kill me. But I should have known better. That would be too easy. I silently walk up to the room she mentioned. Today is a weird day, but I have this bad feeling like it's only going to get weirder.

"Do you like pasta?" she calls up to me.

"It's as good as anything else," I call down. That's not entirely true. I've been living on junk food for the last three years, so some actual decent cooking is going to be a welcome relief. In the meantime, I lie down on the bed and stare at the ceiling, still anxious about this test that B came up with.

(Buffy's POV)

"_Are you sure about this?" _Willow asks me over the phone. I called her after I started cooking the pasta and filled her in on what happened.

"Well this kind of thing is what you made the ring for, right?" I ask her.

"_Well yeah," _she says, _"But you do know what could happen if this doesn't work, right?"_

"I know," I tell her, remembering what she told me about the ring, "If that happens, it'll be my responsibility. I'll deal with it."

"_I hope you know what you're doing," _Willow says.

"Yeah, so do I," I answer honestly.

"_Where is she now?" _she asks. There's a note of something I can't identify in her voice. Anger? Concern? Usually Willow is so easy to read.

"Guest room," I answer.

"_I see," _she says_, "I have to go. Be careful okay?" _

"Always," I tell Willow, "Later." I hang up the phone and go back to the pasta.


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two: Nightmare

(Faith's POV)

Tonight's dinner was probably the best meal I've had in a while. Of course, it was my first _real _meal in three years, so that probably had something to do with it. It was a pretty silent meal. I really didn't know what to say. It's kind of surreal sitting in the same room with someone that I used to be enemies with. Right now I've got a nagging a little voice in the back of my head telling me that it was stupid for me to come here. But I'm here now, so I guess I have to go with it.

"Are you done?" Buffy asks me. Her voice is a lot softer compared to earlier. I'm not sure which one I'm more comfortable with.

"Uh…yeah," I answer haltingly, "It was delicious."

"Glad you liked it," she says, taking my plate.

"Um, you don't have to do that," I tell her, "I'll clean up after myself."

"Please," she says, "You're my guest. I'll take care of this. You look tired. Go get some rest."

"Thanks," I answer. I wonder why she's being nice to me all of a sudden. I figured she would still hate me. The only explanation that makes sense is that she's trying to be a good host, not that she owes me that. I head silently up to the guest room and crash out on the bed, drifting off to sleep. For some reason, my head feels kind of hazy as I close my eyes. I'm also hearing a familiar voice calling to me from somewhere.

"Hello Faith," the voice says, "How is my favorite daughter? Well, I guess it'd be more accurate to say that you were_ like _a daughter, wouldn't it?" That voice….it can't be. Bracing myself, I open my eyes and look around me. I was right, it's him. I'm in the middle of Sunnydale and Mayor Wilkins is standing across from me.

"A dream," I say with a start, "I am 99.9% sure that this is a dream, because in reality you don't fall asleep to find yourself in the middle of town with a dead person standing across from you."

"Dream…reality…relative terms in the life of a Slayer," Mayor Wilkins tells me.

"I'm not a Slayer anymore," I tell him, "And I have nothing to say to you."

"Fine," he answers amiably, "Then just listen. This mission for forgiveness you're on is a fool's errand. You can't change."

"What would you know about that?" I ask him.

"Faith, I know everything about you," he answers, "You got a thrill killing for me. You enjoyed it. Face it Faith, you're a monster. Always have been, always will be."

"No," I say vehemently.

"You can't deny it Faith," he says, "The feel of the knife in your grip, the scent of fresh blood. They're part of you. You won't be able to control it. Eventually you will kill again and you'll feel the thrill."

"No!" I yell angrily, charging at him with my fist raised. He grabs my arm and effortlessly throws me to the ground.

"Your heart is still filled with anger," he tells me, "You haven't changed at all."

"Shut up!" I scream, sending an elbow flying towards him. He dodges and throws me again.

"You'll never pass Buffy's test," he tells me. For the first time I think to ask this question.

"Is this part of her test?" I ask him. I glance at the ring momentarily and notice that a slight orange glow is coming from it.

"Very good Faith," he answers, "I guess your mind is as sharp as ever. But it won't help you. We'll see each other again." With that, he disappears from sight. That was seriously scary.

In a flash I'm back in B's guest room, breaking out in a cold sweat. Guess that part of the test is over. I get the feeling I failed terribly. I chance a look at the clock. 2 a.m. already. I was in dreamland for three hours? Guess time flies when magic nightmare-inducing rings are involved. I'm not sure what's worse: What I just went through or the knowledge that I'll be going through it again every night until I beat the enchantment on this thing? I guess I could just refuse to sleep, but that would be the coward's way out. Besides, who's to say that it would stop the spell from kicking in? I learned a long time ago that magic plays by its own rules. I wonder, if I try to go back to sleep again will the ring send me back to dreamland or is the spell a once a night kind of thing? Either way, I decide I need some air. But I don't want B to think I've bailed on her, so I decide to write a note. I grab a piece of paper and find a pen, and then quickly scratch down my note before heading out the door into the cool night.

(Buffy's POV)

The sound of the door closing downstairs wakes me up from what I thought was a fairly sound sleep. Guess I'm not as heavy a sleeper as I usually am. I look at my clock: 2:10 a.m. I head downstairs to check out the sound, but my intuition tells me not to worry. I doubt anyone would break in here at this hour. Even criminals need sleep. The first thing I notice is the note sitting on the table. I walk over to read it. _B, _it says, _Couldn't sleep. Went for a walk. I'll be back. Don't worry. _She couldn't sleep. Probably means the ring did its job. I feel kind of bad that I'm keeping her from sleeping, but knowing her she'll manage. Besides, the ring only activates once in a 24 hour period, so she should be able to sleep fine if she tries again. I decide to go back to bed. Faith's note said she would be back and even she isn't foolish enough to stay out too late. She knows better than anyone the kinds of monsters that hang around in the darkness. Satisfied that she'll do the smart thing, I decide to head back up to my room and get some rest.


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three: Early Morning

(Willow's POV)

I really shouldn't be out at night, but I'm still worried about Buffy's plan of action here. As the creator of the ring, I'm more aware of the possible consequences of this, which is why I'm here. I need to get ingredients and the best place in town is only open in the wee hours. The owner is a nocturnal, although mercifully there are no signs of her being anything inhuman. That would be unfortunate. I mentally check over the list of things I need, although this is a formality. I have a good memory for that sort of thing.

As usual, the shop is one of the only places with the lights on. Not a surprise considering that it's 2:15 in the morning. Good thing I had coffee before I left. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I wonder how Faith is doing. Kind of a weird thought to have about someone who once intended to kill me. I push it out of my head and start walking towards the store. I'm almost through the door when I notice something out of the corner of my eye. Someone over there is being attacked. Should I go help out? Granted, I'm not exactly the world's greatest fighter, but it wouldn't be like me to walk away from someone in trouble. Besides, I have some spells with me so it's not like I'm completely helpless. Okay, it's settled. I'm doing this. I charge in to the fray, prepared to blow away the attackers with one of my spells, but upon seeing me they turn and run. Ordinary human attackers I'm guessing, as opposed to the supernatural kind. Demons wouldn't be so easily frightened as to run away simply because a second person showed up. They were probably worried about me calling the police or something. I carefully approach their intended victim.

"Are you okay?" I ask, kneeling next to her. She looks up to me and I gasp with recognition.

"Hey Red," she says to me, "I've never been so glad to see someone who hated my guts."

(Faith's POV)

I don't think wonders will ever cease. First B actually offers me a chance to redeem myself and then Red comes rushing to my rescue. Now we're sitting on a bench having what I suppose qualifies as a civil conversation.

"Why didn't you fight back?" she asks me, "Just because you aren't working as a Slayer anymore doesn't mean you don't have the skills. You could have taken those punks."

"No comment," I tell her.

"Have it your way," she says, mercifully not pushing the issue, "So what are you doing up so late?"

"Getting some fresh air," I tell her, "Your little trinket kept me awake." I hold up my hand to show her the ring.

"I see," she says, "So I'm guessing you already experienced the first dream?"

"You could say that," I answer, "What's the deal with this enchantment anyway?"

"Well, there's a limit on what I should say," she tells me, "But I don't suppose it could hurt me to tell you what you can expect. There's a monster in your dreams that can take on the forms of people from your past. I'm sure you've met this monster at least once."

"It looked like Mayor Wilkins," I tell her, "It told me I couldn't change, that I couldn't be forgiven, and that I would kill again."

"So that's why you wouldn't fight those guys," Willow says like it's a certainty, "You were afraid of killing them."

"Stay on topic, Red," I tell her.

"As you wish. You'll meet the monster again," she warns me, "And again and again until you defeat it."

"Will I _ever _get any sleep?" I ask her.

"Well, the enchantment only triggers once every 24 hours, so after it goes away the first time, you should be able to sleep normally."

"Well that's good news," I tell her, "But how am I supposed to beat this monster anyway? I tried to attack it and it tossed me aside like a rag doll."

"Fighting isn't always the answer," she tells me, "Magic is rarely defeated by brute force."

"So what does defeat it?" I ask her.

"The method of victory is unique to the type of magic," she says, "But in this case, what you need is the monsters name. If you learn the monsters name, you can bind it. It won't be able to change its appearance anymore and you'll be able to see it for what it really is. Once that happens you'll be able to defeat it."

"Its name?" she asks, "How in the heck am I supposed to learn that?"

"That's for you to figure out," she tells me, "This is your test. I've told you all that I can."

"Fair enough," I tell her, "Do you think I can beat it?"

"That's a strange question coming from you," she says, "But I think you can. You seem a lot different compared to your old self. Besides, you came this far. You faced up to Buffy in order to have the chance, even though you knew she might kill you, right?"

"Yeah, I guess," I ask, "What does that have to do with it?"

"It means you're really trying to change," she says, "Which is a good place to start."

"I guess," I say again, "Thanks for the advice Red. I know you didn't have to give me any hints."

"Well, it'd be kind of unethical to let you face it without some idea of what to do," she says, "Speaking of which, there's one more thing I should warn you about."

"What is it?" she says.

"Well…how do I put this delicately?" she wonders.

"Don't," I tell her, "Give me the ugly truth. I can take it."

"While you're trying to beat the monster, it's trying to beat you too," she says, "Since the enchantment only activates when you enter a super-relaxed state, like sleep, you're vulnerable to attack by the monster. It's a rather unfortunate side effect. The more times you go in there without winning, the more chances the monster has at it. So be careful."

"Scary thought," I say, shuddering, "And what happens if the monster wins?"

"It'll dominate your mind," she tells me, "You'll become its slave."

"Wow," I say, "And B made me wear this thing knowing that might happen?"

"She obviously believes you can win," she answers, "But still, keep your guard up."

"Right, I'll do that," I tell her.

"Good," she says, "Now you should go back to Buffy's and get some rest. You'll need it."

"Yeah," I say trying to get to my feet. As soon as I get up, I fall down again. "Hey Red? Those guys messed up my leg pretty bad. I think I'm gonna need your help."

"Sure," she says, helping me up and letting me lean on her shoulder.

"Thanks," I say as we start to head back.

"No problem," she says, "But next time you get attacked, you may want to consider defending yourself. Don't be afraid of yourself. I'm sure you can keep yourself from getting carried away."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," I tell her, "But I think now I'd like to concentrate on getting back."

"Of course," she says and remains quiet for the rest of the trip.


	4. Chapter Four

Chapter Four: Trick

(Buffy's POV)

"Don't you think that was an important thing for me to know?" Faith is yelling at me, "I could end up possessed by some freak demon, B!" It's the day after I gave Faith the ring, about midday. She slept in today and the first thing she did when she got up was start recounting her conversation with Willow.

"You won't," I tell her, "I believe in you. You'll be able to beat this."

"You should have told me," Faith says evenly.

"If I had, would it have changed your mind about doing this?" I ask her.

"No, I suppose it wouldn't," she answers, "But it still would've been nice to know."

"I'm sorry," I tell her sincerely, "I only kept it from you because I didn't want to scare you."

"Appreciate the attempt to spare my feelings," she tells me, "Next time, don't."

"Whatever you say Faith," I answer.

"There anything else you haven't told me about this thing?" she asks, holding up the hand with the ring on it.

"No, Willow pretty much covered it," I answer her.

"Then it that case, do you mind if I raid that bookshelf you've got in the other room?" she asks.

"I see you're still as observant as ever," I tell her.

"I try to pay attention," she counters, "So can I use the books or what?"

"Sure, knock yourself out," I tell her, "But it's a waste of your time. The monster's name isn't in any book."

"Well, not like a little research will kill me," Faith answers.

"If you say so," I tell her, "Have fun."

"Sure will. Pouring over books is always more fun than a barrel full of monkeys," she says with a laugh before heading off into the other room.

(Faith's POV)

B sure has a lot of books in here. Arcane stuff, lots of stuff about old magic and demons. Guess Giles left her the entire Sunnydale High library. Well, the part of it that was about supernatural stuff anyway. I'm starting to feel like I should have listened to her though. I've been going over these books for four hours and I've got nothing. Nothing about shape shifting monsters that live in your nightmares. I guess it really was hopeless. The door creaks open quietly and I see B standing there holding a plate full of fried chicken.

"I brought you some dinner," she says.

"Oh, thank you," I say smiling.

"No problem," she says.

"You were right," I answer, "The monster's name isn't in here."

"Told you," she said, "Eat up, then get some sleep."

"Yep, gotta prepare to meet the monster again," I tell her.

"You're awfully calm about that," she says.

"I'm usually calm about the inevitable B," I tell her, "No point freaking out over something I can't stop."

"I see," she says, "Then be sure to eat plenty. You're gonna need the energy."

"Right," I answer and start chowing down on the fried chicken.

"Don't choke yourself," she tells me.

"No danger of that," I answer. She seems satisfied with that and walks away, leaving me to my meal. Once I finish the fried chicken, which for me only takes about five minutes, I take my dishes back into the kitchen and put them away.

"Night B," I tell her.

"Pleasant dreams," she tells me.

"Very funny," I answer, "You know I won't have those."

"Right," she says, "Good luck."

"Thanks," I tell her. Off to bed to fight the monster again. I head up to the guest room, bracing myself for the monster's next visit. I wonder who I'll see this time. Taking a deep breath, I slip off my shoes and lay down on the bed, closing my eyes. Here comes another trip to dreamland. The familiar hazy feeling comes on again and another familiar voice calls out to me.

"Well, it's a party now isn't it Slayer?" Oh great. It's him.

"Why did it have to be you Trick?" I ask.

"Well, you know I just can't resist a chance to play with my favorite Slayer," Trick answers.

"You wanna play?" I ask him, "Then why don't you drop the act? We both know that you're just a monster. The whole Mr. Trick disguise is so fake."

"Hah!" the monster answers in Trick's voice, "She says _I'm _a monster. She says _I'm _fake. Who are you to say that, Faith Lehane?"

"What do you mean?" I ask him.

"You're the biggest monster of all Faith," he says, "And this whole thing about seeking forgiveness is so fake. You know you can never do enough to redeem yourself."

"I have to try," I argue.

"That's funny Faith," he says, "Trying is a waste of your time. You're a hateful little freak who gets a thrill from violence. That's all you've ever been and you know it."

"SHUT UP!" I scream angrily.

"That's right Faith," he tells me, "Get angry. Come on, celebrate your rage."

"I've heard enough out of you, Trick!" I scream, charging towards him with my fists flying. He throws me aside and laughs.

"You're not going to prove me wrong that way Faith," Trick taunts me, "You can come at me as many times as you want. You'll never win."

"I'll show you!" I yell at him, going on the attack again.

"You're still the same as you've always been Faith," Trick says, "Till we see each other again." With that, he fades out of sight and I wake up in the guest room again.

"Damn it!" I scream out loud, "Damn it, damn it, damn it!" I feel the tears falling from my eyes even as I yell. The door creaks open quietly and Buffy walks through the door.

"Hey, are you okay?" she asks me.

"Did I wake you?" I ask her in response, suddenly feeling guilty for disturbing her sleep.

Don't worry about that," she says, "Are you all right?"

"I don't think I can do this B," I tell her, "I keep making the same stupid mistakes."

"Who did the monster look like this time?" she asks me.

"Mr. Trick," I tell her honestly, "He told me that…that I was hateful and that I could never redeem myself. I gave in. I let the monster's words get to me and I lashed out again, just like before. Face it B, I'm weak." This brings about a fresh round of tears.

"Hey, that's not true," she says, putting her arms around me, "What you're dealing with in there is hard. I understand that. I knew that it would be. But I know you can do this Faith. You'll beat the monster."

"How do you know?" I ask her.

"Because," she tells me, "You're as stubborn as anyone I know. I've never seen you back down when you wanted something. You'll beat this because you won't give up until you do."

"But if I take too long, I'll be the monster's slave," I say.

"You're stronger than that," she says with a smile, "You'll find the monster's name and you'll win. Now get some rest okay."

"Okay," I answer, "Thanks B."

"No big deal," she says, "Later." She walks out of the room, leaving me to lay my head back on the pillow and close my eyes.


	5. Chapter Five

Chapter Five: What to do?

(Willow's POV)

"Everything it says is true," Faith says in an anguished tone of voice, "And that makes me angry. I don't want it to be true." Faith, Buffy and I are sitting outside of Buffy's house, talking about Faith's latest excursion into her nightmares.

"It doesn't have to be true Faith," I tell her, "Just because you've killed before doesn't mean that you're doomed to spend the rest of your life as a maniac."

"But the monster is right," she protests, "I still have a lot of anger. I still resort to violence at the drop of a hat."

"Maybe you just need to take a little time and think about who you're angry at," Buffy suggests, "Sometimes reflection is better than action."

"Reflection huh?" Faith asks, "Yeah, I guess I could try that." She closes her eyes, seeming to think hard about something. "Well, I'm pretty sure I know who I'm angry at," she says after a minute, "I'm angry at myself. I mean, I've done things I can never take back. I killed a guy back then and I acted like I didn't care. Not to mention all the bad stuff I did for the Mayor."

"Maybe you should cut yourself a little slack," I tell her, "I mean, beating yourself up never really solved anything."

"I wish it were that easy Red," she tells me, "But I can't stop feeling terrible about this. I mean, how could I ever think that being a Slayer gave me the right to do whatever I wanted?"

"You were confused," Buffy argues, "You never had what you wanted as a kid. You were just trying to get everything that had been denied to you."

"That's some fancy gift-wrapping B," Faith answers, "But we both know the truth. It all boiled down to my choice and I made the wrong one. I could've done the right thing, but I chose to be a psycho killer instead."

"Faith…" I start, but she cuts me off.

"Don't," she tells me, "I don't need anyone to rationalize my actions. I just need to be alone." She turns around and walks back into the house. I stand up and start to follow her, but Buffy grabs my arm.

"Let her go Will," Buffy says, "Give her some time. She's got a lot going on in her head now."

"Yeah, you're right," I tell her, "You know, I feel kind of bad about putting her through this."

"You're not putting her through this," she answers, "I chose to have her wear the ring. This is all me. None of it is your fault."

"I made the ring," I say, "I put the enchantment on it. If the worst happens, it'll be all because of me."

"The worst won't happen," Buffy assures me, "And even if it does, it'll still be because of my decision. I'll take responsibility for it."

"Do you think she'll be okay?" I ask her.

"Of course she will," she answers, "She's Faith. She's strong enough for this. "

"It's not all about strength Buffy," I tell her, "You know that."

"Yeah I know," she says, "Don't fret okay? She'll be fine."

"Okay," I answer, "I have to go. Take care of her."

"I will," she says, "See you Will." I nod quietly and stand up, quietly walking away from Buffy's house, lost in thought.

(Faith's POV)

I don't know what I'm supposed to do now. I know B and Red are just trying to help me out, but it's not working. I still feel as bad as I ever did. How am I ever going to handle tonight's trip to dreamland? I know I've got to stop this. I need the monster's name. I decide to mentally review what I know about the monster. Maybe there's some clue in there. Fact one: The monster lives in my nightmares. Fact two: The monster knows everything about me. Fact three: The monster likes to give me grief about my past. What's the point of that I wonder? The monster seems to revel in my anger. Does it get power from me getting angry? I suppose anything's possible. Out of nowhere, a random thought pops into my head. What if I've been trying a little too hard at this thing? I've looked for the monster's name in thousands and thousands of books, but I ended up with nothing. Now I'm just realizing for the first time that I may already have the answer. I can do this. I'll be ready for my trip to dreamland tonight. Unless of course this theory of mine is wrong, but I don't even want to think about that. I guess I'd better mentally prepare or something. Maybe I'll do some meditation or something. According to Red, the spell on the ring should be contained until nighttime. I decide to try it. I close my eyes and take a couple of deep breaths, tying to get my body to relax. It's funny; I've never done this before. I've spent most of my life being in a hurry, moving from one thing to the next and never pausing to think. I'll have to change that. This feels kind of nice. I think I'm gonna be okay. I let myself float away, ignoring the events of the past few days and getting my body to relax. Okay, I think I can do this. Tonight will be my last trip to see the monster…I hope.


	6. Chapter Six

Chapter Six: Final Showdown

This will be the last trip to see the monster…I hope. I look down at the ring on my finger. The twenty-four hours should be up in a minute or two.

"Are you ready for this?" Willow asks.

"It's not like I haven't met this thing twice before Red," I tell her, "I'm as ready now as I will be any other time."

"All right," Willow says, "The spell should be ready to kick in now. Close your eyes and relax." I nod and take a few deep breaths.

"Hey Faith?" Buffy asks.

"Yeah B?" I answer.

"I hope you're not wrong about this," she says.

"Yeah, me too," I tell her, "But thanks." I close my eyes again and breathe, bringing my mind into a relaxed state. Within moments, the hazy feeling comes again and I'm back in the dream world. Sunnydale looks different. Its night time now and something seems familiar about this part of town.

"Come on out," I call to the monster, "I know you're there."

"Do you remember this place?" a voice calls out to me. I've never heard the voice before, but I've got a feeling about who this might be. The monster likes to take on the image of people from my past and there's only one person in my past whose voice I never had a chance to hear.

"Deputy Mayor Allan Finch," I call out, "That's who you chose to look like this time."

"Very good Faith," the monster says, appearing in front of me, "You remember me, don't you? You killed me."

"Your head games won't get to me this time," I tell the monster, "I know your name now."

"Do you really?" the monster asks mockingly.

"Yes," I tell the monster, "You know everything about me and my past. You live in my dreams. You know exactly what emotions are running through my head. There's only one way that you could have that much insight into me."

"Please, do tell," the monster says sarcastically.

"Without a doubt…your name is Faith," I tell the monster calmly. The monster begins to laugh.

"No," the monster says, "_You're _Faith."

"_We're _Faith. Both of us," I tell him, "You're the guilt I've been feeling for so long. That's why you like to berate me about my past. When I get angry at you, I'm really getting angry at myself, which only increases your hold over me. I'm not wrong, am I?" The monster glares at me and grunts, but it's Mayor Finch façade fades away, replaced by a mirror-like image of myself staring back at me.

"So you figured out my name," the monster says, "Doesn't matter though. I can still beat you. You can't change yourself Faith. You'll always be a monster, just like me. Now, let's rumble."

"No," I tell the monster, shaking my head, "It doesn't do me any good if I fight you, so I'm not going to."

"Are you trying to control your rage?" the monster says, "That's not possible."

"I _will_ control it," I tell the other me, "And once I do, you'll go away."

"That won't happen," she answers. As a response, I calmly close my eyes. "What are you doing?" she demands, "Open your eyes and fight me!"

"No," I tell the other me, "I'm not angry any more. Not at myself and not at you. I forgive you. I forgive us both."

"Empty words," the monster says and I hear her footsteps charging quickly. I hold my ground, hoping I haven't screwed up. Suddenly, I feel a knife plunge through my chest and…nothing. No blood, no pain, nothing. I open my eyes and see that the other me is gone. The knife she plunged into me is lying on the ground. I don't appear to even be injured. I guess I won. Only one way to know for sure though: I reach for the ring on my finger and it slips off without resistance. As soon as that happens, I'm out of dreamland and back in the chair in Buffy's living room.

"Look, the ring's off!" Willow says excitedly.

"She took the ring off in her dream and it came off in the real world?" Buffy asks incredulously,

"It's magic Buffy," Willow says, "Try not to think about it too hard."

"Hey you guys," I ask them, "I'm still here you know. You're kind of ignoring me."

"Sorry," Buffy says, "So I guess you won."

"Yeah," I tell her, "Now I get what you were up to. That wasn't a test, was it? You were trying to help me."

"In a manner of speaking," Buffy says, "The spell exists as a sort of therapy. I could see that you felt really guilty. I wanted to help you forgive yourself, so I had you wear the ring. "

"Well, it worked," I tell her, "I think I feel better now."

"Good," Willow says, "Then we should celebrate with ice-cream or something,"

"It's the middle of the night Will," Buffy says, "I think Faith would probably appreciate going back to sleep and getting a good night's rest."

"Sorry Red, but B's right," I tell her, "How about tomorrow."

"Okay," Willow says cheerily. I decide to head up to my room and get a little shut-eye, like B suggested.


	7. Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven: Celebration

(Faith's POV)

Mmm…strawberry ice cream, my favorite. "Gotta hand it to you Red, you sure know how to celebrate," I tell her.

"Well nothing says 'I just beat the monster in my head' like creamy deliciousness," Willow says, grinning.

"Well come on Faith, try and look a little cheery," Buffy says, "Today's a good day."

"Yeah, I guess," I tell her with a smile, "But I want to ask you something."

"You're about to ask why I even gave you a second chance right?" she asks me.

"Am I _that_ predictable?" I ask her.

"Just a little," Buffy says, "Anyway, the answer is because I felt responsible for what happened back then. It was partially my fault, so I figured I should at least give you a chance."

"You know it wasn't _really _your fault right?" I tell her, "I mean, I made my own choices back then."

"Well yeah, but I should've been more help," she says, "After the Deputy Mayor died…"

"Say it B," I tell her, "After I killed the Deputy Mayor."

"Fine," she says, "After you killed the Deputy Mayor, you were freaked out. You were just acting out of fear. I mean, maybe if I'd done more to help you, things would have turned out differently.

"My choices, my responsibility," Faith says, "You shouldn't feel responsible."

"But…" she says.

"That's enough, both of you," Willow says, cutting her off, "We're supposed to be celebrating here. No more dwelling on the past."

"You know, she's right," I comment, "There's nothing either of us can do to change it, so why don't we just forget about it?"

"All right," she says, "The next round of ice cream is on me. More of the same for everyone?"

"Mmm," Willow says, "Make mine two scoops this time."

"Easy Will, it's not like I'm made of money," she says, but gives a light smile. We all head over to the counter again to order up. I never thought I'd have an experience like this again. Guess you could say things are looking up.

(End of Story)

**A/N: Apologies for the slightly cheesy ending. I couldn't think of anything else to write. **


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